i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
