Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
