im drinking this country out of the recession.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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