It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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