I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
