apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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