Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
