reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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