I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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