Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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