The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
