If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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