And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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