yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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