I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I CAN MOONWALK!
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Randomize
