People in love make me want to vomit
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
