the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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