I wish I could teleport
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
