is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
