I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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