Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
