Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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