Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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