I must be too annoying 4 u.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
