she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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