listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
