hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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