i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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