3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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