i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
