God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
