He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
