He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize