I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
