...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
