After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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