i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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