I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
