youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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