she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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