That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize