When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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