I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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