I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
