do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
