Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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