the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
