I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
