I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
