Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
