Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
