Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
