I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
