the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
