He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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