Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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