Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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