Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
