Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
