So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
