Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
