My first STD was from a foam party
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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