he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
