i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
