My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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