Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
